Surviving the Holidays When You Are Estranged from Family
Family is a topic that often comes up in therapy. Adults sometimes conclude that certain family relationships may be unhealthy. Sometimes boundaries are established to break unhealthy patterns. Estrangement can be painful, especially during the holidays. However, you can survive and thrive in an estranged family all the way to the New Year.
You Are Not Alone
According to a survey, approximately 67 million Americans have a rift in the family. Separation is always hard, but it is harder during the holidays because we are burdened by unrealistic expectations. No family is perfect. Even families with everyone present for the holidays have flaws.
Most people don’t talk about their fractured family relationships, but with 67 million people with these family rifts, we probably should. This time of the year can amplify negative feelings associated with estrangement, including depression, loneliness, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
Individuals who made the choice to separate may experience just as much sadness as those on the receiving end. They may even second guess the choices they made. However, as such a separation is a painful, difficult choice, it’s likely you didn’t make it hastily, so you shouldn’t go back on it hastily, either.
Give it some time once the holiday passes before you reconnect with an estranged relative. Examining what you don’t miss about holidays before the estrangement can help put things into perspective.
How to Survive and Thrive
Try not to hide from the holidays, but you do you. Don’t feel obligated to participate in activities associated with the holidays if they make you sad. Figure out what makes you happy and have your own celebration.
If you hate being alone and find yourself facing the holiday alone, consider looking up volunteer opportunities. You can be surrounded by people who will appreciate you for helping out others in need.
Since there are so many other people in similar situations, it may help to talk to them. You can look for family estrangement groups. There are even groups online and on Facebook.
Therapy is another option as talking about estrangement with a counselor can help you process the loss and find healthy ways to cope. If you would like more information about counseling, please contact us at Jacksonville Center for Counseling.
Many people are going through what you are going through. Resist the urge to scroll on social media. The perfect family photos people post often are not an accurate representation of reality. Social media may make you feel worse if you start comparing your situation to the idealized version people post online.
Lastly, since there are so many others in fractured families, consider gathering with other people who are in a similar situation for your own celebration of breaking old patterns and starting new with people who understand what you have been through. You never know when you might be the light for someone in dark times.